Why You Don’t Need to Fear Failure
Last week, my daughter and I were having a chat in the car about Goals. She confessed she really didn’t like to set goals because she hates the way she feels when she doesn’t meet her goals.
Ah Fear of Failure…I know you well.
We’ve been Frenemies for a while now, haven’t we? You’re my go-to pal when I want to stay small, avoid confronting uncomfortable parts of myself, and remain locked in my patterns.
And you’re my arch-nemesis when I want to dream big, make an expansive change, and stay motivated with new habits (even when they feel good!).
What is it with you???
I’ve failed in the past and it sucked. What makes me think this time will be any different?
Shame is a noxious emotion because unlike guilt or regret (which is feeling bad about our actions), when we feel shame, we feel bad about who we are. Shame hits right to the core of our very worthiness and it has a huge impact on our emotional well-being. And it is painful in the body. Remember the last time you felt shame? What did it feel like in your body? Hurts like hell, right?
No wonder we do whatever it takes to prevent ourselves from feeling Shame!
Who the hell wants to make a date with Shame by setting goals and rolling the dice that you’ll fail (again)??
The feeling my daughter hates (and me too!) when she doesn’t reach her goals is Shame. And this insidious sensation packs such a wallop of discomfort and pain that we will do just about anything to avoid feeling it. We avoid setting goals. We avoid making changes we know will benefit our health, relationships, or career. We talk ourselves out of plunking down money to get the help we know we need and actually desperately want.
Well, turns out that that only way out is through.
As Brene Brown says “embrace the suck” on your way to resiliency and courage – both of which, it turns out are the markers of success much more than talent, skill, smarts, or opportunity.
I told my daughter what I’m going to tell you right now…
This is what I’m good at.
I’m so freaking good at failure now! And I’m really amazing at helping my clients get great at Failing too.
We do it through creating a new relationship with Failure – the way I was able to do for myself.
This new affinity with failure has led me to a deeper connection with my Self. It’s elevated my confidence, helped me heal childhood wounding, and re-wire neural patterns that were creating sabotaging behaviors.
Oh, and it’s helped me set, refine, and reach my goals – all while continually playing with failure!
My clients have decluttered and organized decades of accumulation and created the home of their dreams; they’ve transitioned from the corporate world into entrepreneurship with a life-work balance that really works for them; they’ve healed deep-seated grief that was crippling any attempts at self-care. They’ve lost weight, repaired their relationship with their spouse, and found renewed inspiration with their life purpose.
And they are all amazing at Failing now too!
I want to help you make a True Friend of Failure.
Let’s get on the phone for a Discovery Call (<– click) to chat about fear and shame – and how to transform your relationship with Failure so you can set and reach your Goals with confidence!